Half-alive but wont give up....

It's been three days since I slept.World is so silent.. so cold.. all i can hear are rain drops falling on my window screen....Sometimes they strike with anger other times they cry in silence like I do..unbearable silent cries like that of an innocent child. I don't want to hear them so I put my earphones on and close my eyes. The sound of rain drops fades somewhere in the intensity of the slow music..I try to go with the flow but my mind is still restless, eyes are wet.I can feel the heat flowing out of them,they are tired...tired of the world.They want to sleep.
I can still hear my thoughts so I raise the volume but it doesnt works. I put some rock and go with the lyrics . Yes! seems it is working. I think am the only guy on the planet who gets peace in rock now..m helpless..slowly as i go with the lyrics my heart-beat slows down. I am calm and thoughtless again ..
(minutes later).... I open my eyes I see her lying next to me again like yesterday and a day before.She is still sleeping. I can feel her breath on my face. Her hand is still in mine but not responding as always....I want her to realize that I am still with her like i was but i cant move my body because my brain is at rest...i want to shout but i can't..I want to wake her up and look at me. Have you ever felt the feeling of the sinking in ice cold water when you are tied to the large rock and thrown?.. you want to swim,need air and you want to survive..but the water makes your body numb and you cant move it...slowly the cold water slows everything down ....and after minutes everything stops...i want to wake her up and let her know ..but everything stops for me the same way.. I am not giving up...but I am not surviving either....
My face is in front of her's. Slowly she opens her beautiful eyes .. dark and shiny eyes. She looks at me & she smiles..."I am with you and I LOVE you. Stay with me and i will do whatever it takes. be with me ....ill never let you go.." is what I want to tell her but my tongue is so heavy..tear rolls down my face ... She looks at the first and the finest drop of it. Her eyes widen she comes closer and whispers..."you are crying? I told you that if you will stay with me you will be in pain forever.I cant see you like this...it is because of me..I have to leave you now but I am with you forever.."
She leaves my hand and slowly gets up .Still looking into my eyes...she stands with sadness on her face and says "Ill be there for always"...(her image is fading ).. no I cant let this happen to us. i should do something i should shout loud .."come back !come back to me please !!!"...
I jumped out of my bed..sweat on my forehead...music in my ears..metallica.I check the time it wasn't morning yet.... it took me seconds to realize that it was a dream ...Just a dream !!
I survived the forth sleepless night... trust me nothing to feel glad about....my eyes are still tired and i want to sleep ....
But all i really want is HER ........nothing else matters..... "Be mine" .....